Medication Could be the Answer

At last there is help. I hope all those that need it will overcome there shame and seek the help that is needed. I only wish this was available over the counter so I could give it as gifts. Yes, it just means that much to me.

Please, please share this with all of your friends, family and love ones. :-)

Star Wars Sucks

I have some painful words to admit, and I fully blame Calvin for making me say this. So here it goes. Start Wars isn’t really that good.

That’s right. You read correctly. The Star Wars prequels suck. Calvin has fallen in love with Star Wars. I should be happy. But he doesn’t like the Star Wars I grew up on, he likes the new prequels that really suck.  All afternoon I’ve been forced to endure these horrible movies. I’ve had to act like I was paying attention so I could respond to his countless questions. If for no other reason I had to be awake to read the subtitled parts to him.

So many people have decried, insulted, attacked and derided the films – and they have been correct.

• “The acting is no good.”
• “The scripts were terrible.”
• “Jar Jar Binks is annoying.”
• “I don’t like the CGI.”

It isn’t like the old Star Wars were works of art but they had the good sense to be short. This hid most of the bad acting and plot holes. These new movies never end. It is as if they said “if they can’t be good – make them long!”

I will admit, on some level I’m jealous. I wish I could love these new movies like Calvin does. I want my youth back.  I didn’t see Calvin moaning and wailing about the quality of dialogue. He just enjoyed the movie. Just like I did as a youngster. I ignored the flaws in the original Star Wars films because I enjoyed them.  George Lucas was never the world’s greatest wordsmith, and never claimed to be. Episodes 4, 5, and 6 don’t exactly read like Shakespearian sonnets. 

I won’t sour this for Calvin. He deserves to get to enjoy Star Wars. I know someday he will grow up and will learn the cruel realities of this world that – Star Wars really isn’t that good. Until then, let him enjoy those crappie movies!

Bulletproof Hair

A Kansas City woman with a tight weave gets shot at by her boyfriend through a car window. Later, the cops find a spent bullet in her hair. Did the hair stop it?

Apparently some weaves are tighter than others.  After 20-year-old Briana Bonds told her boyfriend Juan she didn't love him anymore, he responded by shooting out the back of her of her mid-'90s Pontiac. I should mention she was still in the car at the time.  The rear windshield was shattered, but she was still alive and without major injury, possibly thanks to that weave.

My name is Bonds, Briana Bonds - I like my weave shaken - not stirred!

The ladies down at the beauty parlor are not totally convinced. Scientifically speaking, the weft (where the weave meets the hair) is where the fibers are interlocked most tightly. But whether or not that makes it any where close to the equivalent of a Kevlar mesh is beyond current beauty-parlor technology to ascertain.

Hair stylist Kim Walton told Kansas City NBC affiliate KSHB, "I never heard of weaves saving anybody's life." Still, if it turned out to be what saved Bonds, she added, "Thank God for weave."

Bonds herself told the news channel that it was more about God than the weave: "I think God was in my passenger seat." As of Thursday, Bonds had a headache; no word on what happened to Juan. 

g2g pigs trying 2 take mi cell

In an incident that wasn't at all excessive (nope), a 14-year-old girl in Wisconsin was arrested for refusing to stop sending text messages during class, where she proceeded to hide the phone in her ASS CRACK. Must her parents just be beaming with pride. However would she think to hide the phone there? And how small of a phone must it have been?

According to the Smoking Gun, the unnamed girl apparently ignored the teacher's requests to stop using her Samsung phone, but she kept on texting as she pleased. Manners - they are lost in this generation.  When the school security officer was called in, the girl claimed she didn't have a phone. The school finally called in the police. Oh can't you just hear that phone call. When police searched the girl they found the phone under her pants "in the buttocks area." The police confiscated her phone and charged her with disorderly conduct. 

These are our tax dollars at work! I just hope when she got home that her special phone hiding place was given the full seat warming treatment.

Sleepy Time – The Final Revenge

You would think such a place as Sleepy Time would only cross my path once in my life, two times is pretty unlikely and three times – you have to think there is someone out there who really didn’t like me as a kid.

Some years later the Sleepy Time house had been abandoned. Maybe it was shut down for child abuse violations, maybe the poltergeist that inhabited the space ran everyone off, I’m not sure of the exact reason for the closer of Sleepy Time.

I grew up in the 70’s and part of the charm of the 70’s was churches started to take over your ever waking moment. Why not have ever event in your life structured around the church – who needs anything else? For parts of my childhood I was Methodist, at least in the non-summer months. Methodist as a rule are quiet people, they don’t get excited, they make sure you are out of service at noon every Sunday and generally try to handle most disputes with a casserole and some prayer already pre-written. Creativity isn’t something instilled by the Methodist experience – repetition is. It is good and safe and would rarely offend anyone, so keep that in mind if you are our shopping for a new religion.

In my early teenage years I was involved with our church’s youth group. I can remember going to camp, and a few outings but what sticks out most was the final revenge of Sleepy Time.

One thing I looked forward to when I joined the youth group was working on the haunted house. The goal was to raise money and to scare the crap out of everyone. This was back when churches allowed you to dress up as the devil for Halloween and didn’t see it as anymore crazy as great floods and giants walking the earth. I remembered some great haunted houses at church and each year they tried to top the year before.

One day while meeting our youth director informed us that had great news – we had secured a prime location on one of the major roads in town for our haunted house. The house was old and abandoned and scheduled for demolition – so we could do anything we wanted to it. Great plans began on torture chambers, coffins, and zombies.

Our youth director arranged for us to go see the location. I was asked to come even though I was new to the youth group because they needed someone who could think creatively. My only partial submersion into the Methodist life was paying off. So, off we went. As soon as we pulled in the driveway I knew where we were. It was the old Sleepy Time house. Everyone was so excited; I just wanted to throw-up. I’ve never had much of a poker face  and apparently my face betrayed my emotions the minute we walked into the empty house. I started getting ribbing about being scared and being to young. I just shook my head. I made up my mind then and there this project was going on without me; I wouldn’t come back to the youth group until after Halloween. They could have the Sleepy Time house all to themselves – and so they did. They scared the crap out of countless people for one last time as the Sleepy Time house did what just came naturally.

In the spring I rode my bike up to the Sleepy Time house to watch them tear it down. This was way beyond where I was allowed to go on my bike, but I wanted to make sure the place was gone. It is now home to the boy scout’s office – how fitting.

Verizon Math

I feel this man's pain. I have a theory that at some point I was abducted by aliens who took me away and taught me a language that sounds just like English but apparently has a different meaning for some key words. That is the only way I can logically explain the situations like this where I explain something out in excruciating detail in simple terms and I still can't be understood. Curse you ET!!!!

911 for Lemonade

BOYNTON BEACH, Fla. –Authorities said a man, 66, was arrested after calling 911 on Saturday to complain that a fast food restaurant ran out of lemonade. After a drive-through employee failed to respond to the man's threat of contacting the police, the irate diner called 911, a police report alleges.

He spent about 5 minutes talking to the 911 operator about his complaint.

Boynton Beach said the man was charged with abuse of 911 communication.


Someone get grandpa his lemonade! I mean really, how good could that lemonade be?

Hyperactive

The Return of Sleepytime Daycare

My brother and I never had to return to the “Sleepytime” daycare, but that didn’t stop “Sleepytime” from tormenting me again as a child. It so happens the daycare that I would spend my early formative years in was “The Gingerbread House” which was located directly behind “Sleepytime”. What are the chances? Maybe Mom didn’t really look that hard for a replacement – well look – there is another one of these places – let’s try that one! I’m not sure how the selection process was done.

“The Gingerbread House” (TGH) was also a converted house, but it was only a single floor – which I considered a major safely improvement over the sleepytime deathtrap where they put children into the fireplace.

The fenced in backyard of TGH shared a common fence with Sleepytime at the very back. The play area at TGH was divided up with mostly the boys playing as far away from the TGH as possible. I believe it was hoped that we would be beyond the careful glaze of our teachers and from this great distance we could get away with just about anything.

One day a not so bright schoolmate got the idea that he should jump the back fence of TGH into the next yard. I knew what fait awaked this kid – the sleepytime - but I felt no desire to warn this kid. I would call this kid by name, but to be honest it escapes me and really he isn’t the point of this story. If this kid wad dumb enough to break into “Sleepytime” he deserved the fireplace torture that awaited him. His first attempt was a spectacular attempt to jump the fence with a big-wheel. It was a monumental failure, but still a vision I can conjure up for a laugh. The big-wheel, while large in wheel never was much of a jumping vehicle as it would be proved time and again for many years to come. Somehow just like Evil Knievel he survived the big-wheel feat. Even with this failure still fresh on him he was able to convince other stupid children that their next attempt should be to dig a hole under the fence. I’m sure this kid grew up to a salesman at Circuit City or something like that. At this point, I began to retreat. My hasty retreat was noted and someone was sent to find me hiding in the playhouse to see what was up and was I going to tell. I assured them I wasn’t going to tell, but I wasn’t going to help them dig a hole back into the sleepytime daycare jail yard. They just didn’t understand. How could they?

Someone wants that hat!

The Smithsonian Museum wants Aretha Franklin’s Inauguration Day hat. It really is true!

The Queen of Soul’s big-bowed headgear has become a hot property since the legendary singer wore it to belt out “America the Beautiful” at President Barack Obama’s Jan. 20 inauguration. And boy did she "belt it out".

The Los Angeles Times reports that the hat’s designer, Luke Song, has been overwhelmed with demand for the $179 item. So, you too can order one. I understand it draws attention away from everything!

Goodbye Red, I have a new Love

They haven’t known me for sometime at the local video store. I like that. I didn’t much like the local video store, they didn’t have what I wanted and they charged late fees. They didn’t really much seem to care and I didn’t really much feel the need to care about them either! For years now I’ve been able to drive by the video store and shake my head at the poor bastards that still have to shuffle in and out arranging their lives around the video store. How did I escape their clutches? Netflix. Netflix with their ubiquitous red envelopes give me a whole new reason to come home and check the mail. Netflix carries everything I want. I’m sure by now you’ve heard about Netflix so I don’t have to go on about them, but my days of the red envelopes may also be ending in the future.

The Netflix Player by Roku totally cuts out the middle man, good bye red envelopes. Hello – my new love – Roku.

How does it work? You buy the box for $99 and connect it to your TV. You use your Netflix account as you always do but now you setup movies and shows to watch in your instant queue. From your Roku player you play the shows from your instant queue. You can watch items in HD, pause, rewind and go forward. If you stop a video, and then what to go back it remember where you left off.

Right now you have limited selection of what you can watch instantly. Watching instantly doesn’t count against your DVD quota and depending on your plan will mostly likely be included in your plan cost. I’ve started watching items I’ve really enjoyed but I wouldn’t have used DVD slots in my plan to watch. As always you can also watch instantly from your PC without any additional items needed.

This is one of the most elegant and surprisingly usable dedicated devices I’ve seen in a long time. Everything here is almost perfect and Roku continues to add new capabilities to the box. They plan on expanding services beyond Netflix this year. As the literal incarnation of a web service, the Netflix Player by Roku is a true gem.

Now for the really geeky part:

Video and Audio Connections

• HDMI

• Component Video

• S-Video

• Composite Video

• Digital Optical Audio

• Analog Stereo Audio

Network Connections

• Wired Ethernet

• Wi-Fi (802.11 b/g)